When I’m bored I write coming attractions for cheesy kids movies in my head. My favorite one is called Dog President and it goes a little something like this.
Scene opens on the oval office. The back of the president’s chair faces the camera.
Voice over: Hold on to your Milkbones, watch out for your frisbees, because this president…
VO: Is a dog.
VO: Whether he’s passing the bills that keep you safe…
VO: Giving the UN General Assembly a piece of his mind
VO: Or sparking a distinctly canine chapter of the Cold War…
VO: The dog president will woof his way onto your election ballot…
VO: …And into your heart.
This election season, vote for Dog President!
Look, I know Hollywood action scenes are meant to be the ultimate attention-grabber, but for someone who isn’t so into violence and yet has had to sit through a million of these, I find them endlessly boring. I think other people must be sitting there going, “Whoa! Look at that move, dude!” and “He sure got him!” But for me, my mind can’t help but wander the moment a chase or fight scene begins.
There are small dogs and there are big dogs. There are barky dogs and there are quiet dogs. There are dogs you could take for a 10-mile run and they still wouldn’t be tired, and there are dogs who can barely lift their heads off of the couch when you come home.
But every dog goes insane around cheese.
Well luckily for me, it just so happens that dogs and cheese are two of my favorite things in this world. So chow down, Miri, Kip, and dogs of the world. We’ll always be two of a kind.
Ever wondered what it’s like to get up close and personal with bison? And a dynamic bald eagle duo? And a nursing baby mountain goat? In this post I wrote for the wonderful Jackson Hole Traveler, I spill all the beans about what it’s like to encounter wildlife at close range in their beautiful natural setting. I wish I could go back to Jackson Hole and Yellowstone now, but re-reading this article will have to do! Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Latham Jenkins
The other day I was thumbing through an issue of Wired, when I stumbled upon a sunglasses ad claiming that their product was TOTALLY DISRUPTIVE.
Actually, I didn’t do any stumbling at all. The ad – all 3, unnecessary pages of it – stumbled upon me and out onto the floor, and then wouldn’t fold back neatly into the magazine, and I had to go through the same thing every time I opened the magazine.
It seems like these days every company has a “disruptive” or a “revolutionary” product to sell. As a copywriter, I thought I could help clarify what these terms actually mean, since there seems to be so much confusion. Accordingly, I’ve put together a little checklist you can use when deciding whether or not they’re appropriate for your product.
Texting while driving is a real pet peeve of mine – and yes, I’m talking to you, person who thinks they’re somehow more adept at it than other people (you’re not, I know because you’re human and humans have trouble eating pizza while typing, let alone driving at 80 MPH and typing away at a tiny touchscreen keyboard). But there’s an aspect of texting and driving that no one ever talks about, and I think it deserves a little attention.
I call it the Totally-Not-Texting-Acceleration.
You know what I’m talking about – probably because you do it. The Totally-Not-Texting-Acceleration has several stages.
This is Miri. We love Miri a lot, and of course want to provide her with the best things in life. That’s why, when her bed was recently puked on and a round in the washing machine only made it ten times worse, we decided to replace it with something that better demonstrated our love for her. And so we got her an expensive, plush bed, with many cozy nooks and crannies and…a removable cover, for all subsequent pukings. But much to our surprise, Miri had her own ideas about comfort. Below, a depiction of Miri’s sleep choices. Very well, Miri. You keep on keeping on right on that hardwood floor you love so well. We’ll take the money we save on dog beds and spend it on treats. We will spoil you somehow, however you may resist. Deal?