When I’m bored I write coming attractions for cheesy kids movies in my head. My favorite one is called Dog President and it goes a little something like this.
Scene opens on the oval office. The back of the president’s chair faces the camera.
Voice over: Hold on to your Milkbones, watch out for your frisbees, because this president…
VO: Is a dog.
VO: Whether he’s passing the bills that keep you safe…
VO: Giving the UN General Assembly a piece of his mind
VO: Or sparking a distinctly canine chapter of the Cold War…
VO: The dog president will woof his way onto your election ballot…
VO: …And into your heart.
This election season, vote for Dog President!
1) Grow octopus arms.
This has been a special announcement from the DON’T CLICK ON LINKBAIT Counsel of Productivity.
Ever wondered what it’s like to get up close and personal with bison? And a dynamic bald eagle duo? And a nursing baby mountain goat? In this post I wrote for the wonderful Jackson Hole Traveler, I spill all the beans about what it’s like to encounter wildlife at close range in their beautiful natural setting. I wish I could go back to Jackson Hole and Yellowstone now, but re-reading this article will have to do! Enjoy.
My Wildlife Expedition in Jackson Hole
Photo Credit: Latham Jenkins
The other day I was thumbing through an issue of Wired, when I stumbled upon a sunglasses ad claiming that their product was TOTALLY DISRUPTIVE.
Actually, I didn’t do any stumbling at all. The ad – all 3, unnecessary pages of it – stumbled upon me and out onto the floor, and then wouldn’t fold back neatly into the magazine, and I had to go through the same thing every time I opened the magazine.
It seems like these days every company has a “disruptive” or a “revolutionary” product to sell. As a copywriter, I thought I could help clarify what these terms actually mean, since there seems to be so much confusion. Accordingly, I’ve put together a little checklist you can use when deciding whether or not they’re appropriate for your product.
World Cup, this one is dedicated to you! (And by the way I toggle between all 3 of these stereotypes myself, lest you think I’m judging you. I’m really judging me, so yeah).
This is Miri. We love Miri a lot, and of course want to provide her with the best things in life. That’s why, when her bed was recently puked on and a round in the washing machine only made it ten times worse, we decided to replace it with something that better demonstrated our love for her. And so we got her an expensive, plush bed, with many cozy nooks and crannies and…a removable cover, for all subsequent pukings. But much to our surprise, Miri had her own ideas about comfort. Below, a depiction of Miri’s sleep choices. Very well, Miri. You keep on keeping on right on that hardwood floor you love so well. We’ll take the money we save on dog beds and spend it on treats. We will spoil you somehow, however you may resist. Deal?
In certain circles of society, admitting that you watch reality shows is akin to saying casually, “My mind is a soft jelly – best served cold!”
On one level, I agree wholeheartedly with that statement. And yet, even though they’re vehicles for the worst human behavior, there’s something strangely addicting about reality shows, in all of their vapid, cheesy glory. Perhaps it’s the easy access to over the top drama, or the idea that we can all be Andy Warhol’s brand of famous one day, or maybe it’s just a good case of schadenfreude. Whatever it is, there’s a reason why the genre is so popular.
For me, though, I find I can only watch reality shows when I am in a very particular place in my life. I’ll go months without watching them, and then I’ll gorge myself until I’m sick. It is a quick but intense addiction cycle, that looks a little bit like this.