The 5 Types of People Who Frequent Yogurt Shops

The weather outside is toasty, and you know what that means: it is officially Yogurt Season in the ATX. And what a season it is. Though our skin may be covered in a film of sweat from now until October, and showers are more of a pathetic rather than meaningful gesture at civility, with a yogurt cup in one hand and a plastic spoon in the other, we are taken away to a cooler land, where the air is crisp and the trees are made of candy.

There’s just one thing that stands in between us, the serious yogurt fans, and our trip to taste bud paradise: our fellow patrons. Why is that, you ask? Just take a look at the these five yogurt personality types, and it should be clear.

1. First Daters
2. Decision Makers3. Tasters4. Family of Ten5. Team Yogurt 1
6. Team Yogurt 27. Team Yogurt 38. Team Yogurt 49. Team Yogurt 5

 

If YOU want to be more like Team Yogurt (who wouldn’t?) here is our little guide to hacking the yogurt shop experience:

 

10. Guide

SUPERDOG! Ain’t Gonna Take No Feline ‘Tude

In the early morning darkness, two cats sit face to face at the end of a driveway, staring intently into each other’s eyes. Their two forms take shape, disappear into the darkness, and take shape again beneath a flickering street lamp. And yet, as they purr at each other and bat their eyes, there is nothing “on/off” about this romance. This is happening – it’s “on.” They move closer, purr, move closer still.

And then?

A ball of white fluff slices through the darkness, ears raised, tongue lolling. Into the sky, the canine hoists her Swiffer tail – which has a mass of dead leaves tangled into it – and sprints forward, dragging her slow, sweating human behind her.

SUPERDOG! Reporting for cat population control duty!

In an instant, she is almost on them.

“Foul! Foul!” the felines yowl, baring sharp teeth and claws. And yet, spell broken, they scatter. One cat retreats to a nearby roof, the other leaps a chain link. Two hearts, two bodies, almost one, now solidly two again.

At the site of the almost-romance, SUPERDOG! jams her snout to the ground and sniffs forcefully, inhaling particles of dirt and rocks and insects that once scurried, and now scurry no more. SUPERDOG! hops forward, curses the pull of the leash at her neck – if not for her state of enslavement, oh, the felines she would chase! – and scans the horizon for the enemy. No cats. Mission: Accomplished.

SUPERDOG! looks back to her human, pants loudly, and gives a proud growl. Then she pulls a pair of sunglasses from her Swiffer tail, and in the tradition of Horatio Caine, says:

“Looks like those two romantic kitties aren’t any match for puppy love.”

 

Neel in Sunglasses

Photo credit to Sarah Herman and to Miri’s body double, Neel, who looks so badass in a pair of sunglasses.

 

 

A SXSW Must-Have: Innovation Pants

March is my favorite time to live in Austin. Sitting in my office this morning with the windows wide open, I can hear the birds chirping a thousand different songs. In the distance, the highway hums with destination and purpose. In the morning light, there is an orange glow to the branches, upon which little bits of green are just starting to poke through.

And I can feel the energy buzzing just down the highway at SXSW — I can hear the hopeful guitar riffs of bands on the brink of “breaking through.” I can see the non-military drones zooming over head with the creative purpose only a Maker can exude. I can feel the presence of ambitious technology that will change the world — and the dull weight of countless other “innovations” that clearly will not (but don’t tell the VCs that). I turn my chair in the direction of downtown, eyes open and ready to embrace a future I cannot even begin to envision — and keep my satire-writing pen at the ready too, poised and eager to poke gentle fun at exuberance overdone.

I pull on my innovation pants, and head downtown. Bring it, SX.

10. Innovation Pants

The Complete SXSWedu Guide to Tacos #SXTacoClub @Edudemic

Calling Austin a “foodie city” would be like going to Rome and saying, “Yeah, there are a few museums to see.” It is, in other words, a big understatement.

In Austin we don’t just have every kind of food under the sun, but we also serve them in every imaginable manner possible. We serve cake on sticks and pies in jars and chicken in waffles. We’re famous for our BBQ, but we’ve got enough pho to flood all of UT in broth. And don’t forget all of our more experimental chefs, who have made it their personal mission to rehabilitate the least desired parts of an animal into OMG the absolute best.

UT Vendor

In fact, sometimes eating here feels more like a writing exercise.

Menu

Which is to say, if you’re headed to our fair city for SXSW, you’re pretty much spoiled for choice in terms of food and adjective options. But if there’s one type of fare in which you absolutely must indulge, I can only say one thing:

Tacos, tacos, and did I mention…

Tacos

In Austin, you can have tacos for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and hey, why not snack, too? There are upscale tacos at fancy schmancy places and both classics and experimental tacos at any number of food trucks around town. You can get melt-in-your-mouth brisket in a taco or egg and bacon or pulled pork and as much – or as little – cilantro as you so desire.

In fact, we’re so hepped up on tacos over at my job at Edudemic and in the Twittersphere, we’ve put together a map to just a few of the top taco spots downtown, in South Austin and on the East Side.

(Link to map here).

Credit goes to Eric Nentrup (@ericnentrup) and Emily Johnson (EmilyA_Johnson) and LindseyOwn (@LindseyOwn) for this amazing idea.

So, how should you use this map? Let us count the ways!

  1. Use the map completely on your own to grab tacos as your schedule sees fit while you’re in town for SXSW (particularly SXSWedu)
  2. Follow #SXTacoClub on Twitter to meet up with other attendees and chow down on tacos together
  3. Upload Twitter pics of your tacos and/or yourself chowing down on said tacos and tag it with #SXTacoClub, #SXSWedu. Tag it with @Edudemic, too, and we’ll make sure to reshare it far and wide.
  4. After you’ve sampled a few, tweet out the name of your favorite tacos and stands you’ve tried, again tagging it with #SXTacoClub.
  5. Become legendary. You know, like, on the taco scene.

Alright, attendees. You have your assignment. Go! Go! And see you there!

P.S. Are you a native Austinite? Does this map anger you because we missed something? Put down that Siracha spray gun and leave a suggestion in the comments instead. We’ll add it to our map faster than a food truck impresario can serve a line of 50 impatient people at 2AM.

And So It Was Daylight Savings Time in All the Land and No Rejoicing Was Had!

And so it was March, and there were streaks of pink and purple in the skies upon rising. Waking was gentle and at moments even joyful. Walking the dog was a time for light and reflection and empowerment, and one’s flashing LED lights, which in winter were essential from a safety standpoint but made one look like a total nerd, became unnecessary for all but the most abundantly cautious.

But then the Lord said, “NO! There shall be no more light to guide the people’s neurochemicals out of REM! Dogs must be made to do their business in midnight’s dark, using only their noses to guide them. They’re good at that whole scent thing anyway. And as for the owners, who cannot sniff through the dark, they must scrabble around in the leaves in search of the aforementioned ‘business,’ praying to Me that they will stick their fingers in the way of neither harm nor foul. All sky pinks and purples shall be reserved for 7:45AM, a time which is neither here nor there, and which certainly will not allow the people to exercise in light and still arrive at work at a reasonable hour. I shall call it Daylight Savings Time, but it shall save nobody! Except perhaps the farmers! Such is My decree!”

And so the people sprung forward, but it was less of a spring and more of a galumph. And as they completed their shuffle, they thought only of falling back into the welcoming arms of autumn, where the air was cold, it was true, but where sleep could be thought of as a gift given rather than unwillingly re-gifted to someone less deserving.

The Adventures Of: Dog President

When I’m bored I write coming attractions for cheesy kids movies in my head. My favorite one is called Dog President and it goes a little something like this.

Scene opens on the oval office. The back of the president’s chair faces the camera.

1. In the Oval Office

Voice over: Hold on to your Milkbones, watch out for your frisbees, because this president…

2. Mystery Prezident

 

VO: Is a dog.

VO: Whether he’s passing the bills that keep you safe…

 

 

3. Dog Approving Stamp

VO: Giving the UN General Assembly a piece of his mind

4. At the UN

VO: Or sparking a distinctly canine chapter of the Cold War…

5. Pork Chop

VO: The dog president will woof his way onto your election ballot…

6. Election Ballot

VO: …And into your heart.

7. Your Heart

This election season, vote for Dog President!

 

Action Movies Are Boring

Look, I know Hollywood action scenes are meant to be the ultimate attention-grabber, but for someone who isn’t so into violence and yet has had to sit through a million of these, I find them endlessly boring. I think other people must be sitting there going, “Whoa! Look at that move, dude!” and “He sure got him!” But for me, my mind can’t help but wander the moment a chase or fight scene begins.

1. Commence Fight Scene2. Head Flies Off3. Totally Lost Track of Action4. Time to Ruin the Show

Dogs and Cheese: A Co-Dependent Relationship

There are small dogs and there are big dogs. There are barky dogs and there are quiet dogs. There are dogs you could take for a 10-mile run and they still wouldn’t be tired, and there are dogs who can barely lift their heads off of the couch when you come home.

But every dog goes insane around cheese.

1. Dog Puking2. In a Field3. Setup for KipStory Time Kip With FrisbeeIMG_09054. Kip staringKip Medicine5. Miri is StealthCheese6. Dogs Be Crazy7. World Peace8.

Well luckily for me, it just so happens that dogs and cheese are two of my favorite things in this world. So chow down, Miri, Kip, and dogs of the world. We’ll always be two of a kind.