The Adventures Of: Dog President

When I’m bored I write coming attractions for cheesy kids movies in my head. My favorite one is called Dog President and it goes a little something like this.

Scene opens on the oval office. The back of the president’s chair faces the camera.

1. In the Oval Office

Voice over: Hold on to your Milkbones, watch out for your frisbees, because this president…

2. Mystery Prezident


VO: Is a dog.

VO: Whether he’s passing the bills that keep you safe…



3. Dog Approving Stamp

VO: Giving the UN General Assembly a piece of his mind

4. At the UN

VO: Or sparking a distinctly canine chapter of the Cold War…

5. Pork Chop

VO: The dog president will woof his way onto your election ballot…

6. Election Ballot

VO: …And into your heart.

7. Your Heart

This election season, vote for Dog President!


Action Movies Are Boring

Look, I know Hollywood action scenes are meant to be the ultimate attention-grabber, but for someone who isn’t so into violence and yet has had to sit through a million of these, I find them endlessly boring. I think other people must be sitting there going, “Whoa! Look at that move, dude!” and “He sure got him!” But for me, my mind can’t help but wander the moment a chase or fight scene begins.

1. Commence Fight Scene2. Head Flies Off3. Totally Lost Track of Action4. Time to Ruin the Show

Dogs and Cheese: A Co-Dependent Relationship

There are small dogs and there are big dogs. There are barky dogs and there are quiet dogs. There are dogs you could take for a 10-mile run and they still wouldn’t be tired, and there are dogs who can barely lift their heads off of the couch when you come home.

But every dog goes insane around cheese.

1. Dog Puking2. In a Field3. Setup for KipStory Time Kip With FrisbeeIMG_09054. Kip staringKip Medicine5. Miri is StealthCheese6. Dogs Be Crazy7. World Peace8.

Well luckily for me, it just so happens that dogs and cheese are two of my favorite things in this world. So chow down, Miri, Kip, and dogs of the world. We’ll always be two of a kind.

My Wildlife Expedition in Jackson Hole

Ever wondered what it’s like to get up close and personal with bison? And a dynamic bald eagle duo? And a nursing baby mountain goat? In this post I wrote for the wonderful Jackson Hole Traveler, I spill all the beans about what it’s like to encounter wildlife at close range in their beautiful natural setting. I wish I could go back to Jackson Hole and Yellowstone now, but re-reading this article will have to do! Enjoy.

My Wildlife Expedition in Jackson Hole




Photo Credit: Latham Jenkins

Your Sunglasses Are Not Disruptive Technology

The other day I was thumbing through an issue of Wired, when I stumbled upon a sunglasses ad claiming that their product was TOTALLY DISRUPTIVE.

Actually, I didn’t do any stumbling at all. The ad – all 3, unnecessary pages of it – stumbled upon me and out onto the floor, and then wouldn’t fold back neatly into the magazine, and I had to go through the same thing every time I opened the magazine.

1. Yards of Advertising

It seems like these days every company has a “disruptive” or a “revolutionary” product to sell. As a copywriter, I thought I could help clarify what these terms actually mean, since there seems to be so much confusion. Accordingly, I’ve put together a little checklist you can use when deciding whether or not they’re appropriate for your product.

2. Checklist 13. Is It Dominoes4. Is It Sunglasses5. Companies Should Innovate6. Save it7. PB & J rocket

The Totally-Not-Texting-Acceleration

Texting while driving is a real pet peeve of mine – and yes, I’m talking to you, person who thinks they’re somehow more adept at it than other people (you’re not, I know because you’re human and humans have trouble eating pizza while typing, let alone driving at 80 MPH and typing away at a tiny touchscreen keyboard). But there’s an aspect of texting and driving that no one ever talks about, and I think it deserves a little attention.

I call it the Totally-Not-Texting-Acceleration.

You know what I’m talking about – probably because you do it. The Totally-Not-Texting-Acceleration has several stages.

1. Pulling Up to the Stop Sign2. Texting the Day Away3. Good to go!4. Runners5. Car Lineup 6. Well, Fuck It7. TOTALLY NOT TEXTING!8. PSA

Dogs Snooze in the Darndest Places

This is Miri. Smiling By the Couch   We love Miri a lot, and of course want to provide her with the best things in life. That’s why, when her bed was recently puked on and a round in the washing machine only made it ten times worse, we decided to replace it with something that better demonstrated our love for her. And so we got her an expensive, plush bed, with many cozy nooks and crannies and…a removable cover, for all subsequent pukings. But much to our surprise, Miri had her own ideas about comfort. Below, a depiction of Miri’s sleep choices.Where Miri Could Sleep2. Where Miri Does Sleep Very well, Miri. You keep on keeping on right on that hardwood floor you love so well. We’ll take the money we save on dog beds and spend it on treats. We will spoil you somehow, however you may resist. Deal?